We’re lucky enough to have a guest blogger today. This is by Sid Korpi, animal chaplain and author of “Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss”. She is from Minneapolis and cares for 4 Westies, 2 cats and 2 finches. Here’s her piece:
How to Know When It’s Time to Let Go
Imagine, if you will, the following hypothetical scenario:
You adopt your rescued pooch with high hopes for his long and healthy lifetime with you. You bond instantly and update your Facebook page frequently, proudly posting Youtube videos of your playful pup, Sparky, enjoying the best life has to offer.
Then, just a couple of short years later, the vet comes to you with the worst news you’ve ever received: “Sparky has cancer. He has inoperable tumors throughout his body. I’m so sorry, but his time left is short.”
You have arrived in the most painful kind of limbo state, wherein you know there is no hope for a cure. All that remains is to decide when it’s time to put him to sleep.
As animal lovers, we all know in our heads that each of us will eventually face this hardest of all decisions, perhaps many times throughout our lifetimes. We also know that our pets are far more than mere commodities; they are beloved members of our families. They are creatures who depend upon us completely for their well-being, who look to us to spare them from pain and suffering—even when doing so means setting them free of a body that no longer serves them.
To help you through the decision-making process, you can create a list of all the things that made Sparky happiest. This might include playing fetch with a tennis ball, gnawing on a chew toy, eating his favorite foods, taking long walks, etc. As Sparky’s caregiver, your job is to watch closely and note which of these activities is no longer happening. As more things get checked off that list—or when there are obvious signs of pain, incontinence, trouble walking, refusal to eat, etc.—it is likely time to help Sparky transition.
Making a list like this can help you avoid second-guessing yourself. One caveat, however, is that animals are notorious maskers. They will often hide their pain because, in the wild, to show weakness would put them in jeopardy from other predators seeking to eliminate the competition. Be forewarned that you might not be able to detect his pain because your pet may be hiding it from you.
Remind yourself daily that doing your best to lovingly attend to Sparky’s needs is enough, that you must not feel guilty for not being a dog-mind reader. That’s why noting a drop in favorite activities may help cue you in to a decline in your pet’s health. Sparky will not blame you for what’s happening because, to him, death is a natural transition. It is nothing to be feared; only the pain beforehand is something to be eliminated if possible.
To that end, you may be in a position to choose hospice care for Sparky. If you are comfortable learning to administer fluids and/or pain medication you may prolong his life. But you must always keep his quality of life in mind. To merely prolong a pet’s life simply because there are medical or surgical means to do so, while sacrificing its quality, is unfair and stems from a person’s fear of letting go rather than from true compassion.
When the decision to euthanize is finally made, you may opt to contact a vet who performs in-home services. Or, you may choose to accompany Sparky into the vet’s office so you can say a proper goodbye and so he will not be alone for his passage.
To help to heal your breaking heart, it is beneficial to create a memorial shrine for Sparky, including favorite photos, toys, his cremains in a lovely box or urn, etc. Share with friends and family members who knew and loved Sparky favorite stories about his life; and perhaps write a letter, story, poem, or song to commemorate this much-loved dog. Thank him for all the love he brought you.
Do NOT rush out and adopt another pet right away. Sparky was a unique individual and cannot simply be exchanged for a “new model.” Take as much time as necessary to grieve Sparky’s passing before you consider opening your heart and home to another dog. But when you are ready, continuing to share your love with a needful animal is the perfect way to honor all Sparky sought to teach you about unconditional love while he was with you.
